Welcome & Intro
Well hello.
Welcome to the Brave Beautiful Boobies Blog written by yours truly - Breanna Bortner.
Now, how did we get here?
That’s a good question. So I wanted to start this blog to bring you through my journey with breast cancer thus far and to keep you in the loop on all of the things going on.
This story all starts back in June of 2023, and it oddly enough starts with mosquito bites. Darn little things. Earlier this summer I had the most awful mosquito bites that had turned into welts on my arms and legs. One night as I was itching them in bed I started to itch my breast. I thought to myself “Dang, did those mosquitos get me here too!?”
Then I realized that the bump I was feeling wasn’t external at all, it was actually internal the size of about a quarter. So, this caused me to set up my first of many appointments with primary care.
July 6th - Visit with primary care to get referral for imaging
July 11th - Ultrasound and Mammogram
July 26th - Biopsy
The entire month of July was spent doing the worst thing - waiting. In what feels like forever between updates of bad news I finally had my results in on July 28th. This whole time I was of course hoping for this to be a benign fibroadenoma, something I had done a lot of research on. I knew I didn’t have any family history of this (there is, but it’s too far removed per the doctors) and that I was 30, young, and decently healthy from what I thought. So nothing prepared me for the words that came out of the doctor’s mouth when he said “It looks like this is cancerous.”
At first, I was hopeful that I could just ya know, remove the tumor via surgery and move on with my life. But that’s not how this type of cancer works. I was diagnosed with stage IIB invasive ductal carcinoma. This is the most common type of breast cancer that starts in a woman’s milk ducts. What’s unique about my diagnosis is that it is a triple negative, which accounts for about 15% of all breast cancer diagnoses. This means that the most common types of receptors known to fuel breast cancer - estrogen, progesterone, and protein called HER-2, are all negative. This means it’s more aggressive, more fast-growing, and the most common treatments will not work.
When you’re in these appointments with oncologists and surgeons and hearing words like “fast-growing” and “aggressive” you obviously start to get nervous. But on the flip side, the treatments that are created for cancer target “rapidly dividing cells”, so this cancer is also one of the most responsive to treatment which is heartwarming to hear. This, my friends, we call a silver lining. Since I have not had surgery yet, I have had the unique opportunity of physically feeling my lump get smaller and smaller to the touch, it definitely feels good to know the treatments are doing what they are intended to.
Looking back, I am so grateful that I had my annual women’s health exam in the middle of March of 2023. Here I got my pap smear (which I always advocate for even if I’m not due for one) and a breast exam. Yup, I was all clear just 3 months before my diagnosis. That’s how quickly this tumor, or “thing” as I refer to it, grew. This is your reminder to go to your annual women’s exam and always say yes to a breast exam. If not for this, I really would have kicked myself!
The first two weeks after diagnosis are a blur. You wake up and for a brief 15 seconds, you think you’re in a nightmare. But then by the time your mind comes to, it sets in that this truly is your life and you’re living with this diagnosis. The anxiety sets in and your heart rate rises. I already have anxiety, but this is a whole new layer of it. At my initial doctor’s appointments, my pulse was around 120 each time and the nurses didn’t even bat an eye. Not a flinch.
In the first few weeks what helped me was connecting with many survivors through amazing family and friends. People who made me feel a little less alone or like an outlier in all of this. I connected with women who have overcome breast cancer at young ages - 29, 38. I spoke with others who had lymphoma at 25. I spoke with others who had leukemia at 24. Truly all remarkable people who have been through hell and back just to live
This process has also opened my eyes to three major things so far:
How much pain there is in this world - Going to the hospital frequently you see people who are much worse off than you, you see people who don’t get to go home. You also hear stories from others that make you feel grateful for what you have going on, even if it is as horrible as cancer. This diagnosis has opened me up to realize what a blessing it is to live. When the weather was nicer and my energy was more abundant I would go on long walks and just observe others in my neighborhood. I would cry anytime I saw an old person, what a gift it is to grow old.
How much love there is in this world - Since opening up about my diagnosis to friends, neighbors, and family first, we have been flooded with love. I have a whole box of cards I have received that have put a smile on my face on the darkest of days. I have had people make me homemade blankets, send me gift boxes, and add me to their prayer chain at their church, we have been sent helpful gift cards, as well as delicious meals that have been made with love. Feeling loved on is so important during this time -crosswalk so if you are someone who has loved on myself or Tim, thank you as it means the world to us.
How important is it to have purpose and passions - The things people do each day that spark joy and bring them a sense of purpose are so important. There is a cute little lady who rides her bike every day, for miles and miles throughout our neighborhood. I observe this cute little man who serves as a crosswalk attendant for the elementary school. I notice this woman who walks down a busy street with a bucket and trash grabber who cleans up debris just out of the goodness of her heart. Even though pulling weeds or picking up trash seem mundane to people, they give others purposes and a reason to live. Every day needs to have some joy, even if it’s just laughing at a funny video or a phone call with an old friend. We all deserve that and in fact, I’m in search of joy even on the days I cannot see the light.
A few last things before I wrap up this first blog post.
When sharing my story with the public, I also want to share how I approach things as I think it’s important. You will see that I purposely don’t say certain words because they are triggering for me, instead I use the following:
Chemotherapy = Treatment, healing time, healing sessions
Tumor = “thing”
I have also never once said the words “I have cancer.”
That implies that I have ownership of something, and it’s definitely something that I don’t want to claim.
I recite to myself often “I don’t have cancer and cancer doesn’t have me.” I tell others I have been diagnosed with cancer or I’m currently experiencing cancer - this is not a permanent thing and I want no ownership over it. I have also never once questioned, “Why me?”
That’s because I’m not a victim, I’m a survivor.
Love and light until next time.
Xo, Breanna
